What is my real passion in life, What do I truly want to be doing?

Stephen King said "get busy living or get busy dying." I heard the quote in "Shawshank Redemption" when Red said said it to Andy in the yard the day Andy broke out of Prison.

Watching some documentaries I had downloaded a long time ago and made it past the "purge" of my 1,000+ burned DVD's of TV shows and personal data, I first watched "Lottery on ICE" a CBC documentary on just how far parents are willing to push their children, how they are willing to put hockey first at the cost of a marriage since the wife wanted to stay in their home while her husband and son moved to North Vancouver so the son could go to this very expensive hockey school with extremely strict rules on the ice and at home, such as the husband had to be legally seperated from his wife and have full custody of their son. That is just insanity.

The next show I watched, was on coffee beans and how people consume them and how it's big business. I have never nor will I ever drink coffee, tea alcohol or smoke or do drugs, but to me this was an interest look into the culture of humanity.

Finally watching another CBC documentary on the rising Canadian dollar (this was December 2007) and how it was on par with the US. Ironically it got me really thinking about my life, and what are my true values and what I truly want to do in life.

First off, I want to get off the drug called TV, which will in turn get me off the pop and junk food drug I require to watch TV. Next I want to do stuff I truly love and focus on stuff that stimulates my brain. The question is, what exactly is that?

Some things I know I want to do are, compact my computer usage down to 4hrs a day (work and play), as well as maximize the late night/early morning energy and creativity boosts. for a long time now, I have though getting up at 9AM and going to bed at 1AM would be the best balance. Other things I want to do are figure out my true pasions. I know when I start hearing pipe organ music, I can get sucked in for hours looking up YouTube videos on varies pipe organ inside tours, or home organ inside looks etc. The same can also be said when I find another Mister Rogers Neighborhood episode on Usenet to download and keep for my future children to watch. When doing the both of these I get instantly sucked in.

But my mom thinks I am passionate about photography. I do love it once I get out shooting, but I don't instantly get crazy about it when I pick up my camera (rarely these days, purely due to me being able to stand less then 1-2 minutes or walk more then 100m without backpain). Then why don't I work on the 27,000 photos in my Aperture Library? My excuses where, I don't have an LCD (and for that matter a S-IPS or S-PVA one), well I got the Apple 20" Cinema display S-IPS display from my moms before Christmas, now my excuse is I don't have a hardware monitor color calibrator.

How about the Sony GV-D200 Hi8/8mm/Digital 8 deck+1TB HD+Final Cut Express 4 my mom bought me? Well I've imported the tapes twice (once in iMovie since I couldn't get FCE4 to import analog video) and the second time, once I figured out that I needed to use DV converter manually controlled. Now the footage is just sitting on my hard drive unused.

I have discovered from skimming the imported tapes that I love taking videos. The problem is, I need a video camera and I am only willing to go with a HD camera at that. I have also discovered that I never want to import a tape (analog or digital) again. It's just too time consuming. So what do I want in a HD video camera? I want a video camera in the $1,000 price range that has quality glass, is AVCHD 24mbps, uses SD with no internal memory, has a mic in and hotshoe, just to get my list started.

Fine I get this gear, then what? I want to go out and record stuff to preserve history - history of mass transportation. from unusual elevators and escalators to car ferries to public transit.

My goal is to somehow get the a camera for my 31st birthday on May 19. The problems? one I am un-employed on permanent disability and two have a big credit card debt. How I can solve this problem, is by finding ways of creating income sources that will give my my $500/month Net allowance on disability without loosing any of my disability benefits. Also due to my extreme obesity, I need a one to one worker to help me at the gym as well as help me get re-introduced to society. I just hope Gateway Society who does my housing can find a worker for me…and soon.